Hi all! Following our Masculinity in the Workplace event last week, we've given this newsletter to one of the attendees to talk about their experience. Over to Tristan...
True lightbulb moments are rare things in my life. Though recently they have appeared more and more. One happened in 2020 following the death of George Floyd where I became aware of the extent of my privilege as a white man. Another occurred during the Masculinity in the Workplace conference, hosted by Roxanne Hobbs and Daniele Fiandaca, on 22nd November 2022. The title of the event was ‘How can men stay relevant?’
I had been unsure about attending the event. I thought, as a person who is in touch with my emotions and pretty comfortable in my masculinity, would I really learn anything new?
The answer to that question was an emphatic YES. And I certainly did. Right from the start, in fact, with such an eye-opening presentation from the Everyday Sexism Project founder Laura Bates. She spoke about the role of men in creating change within the system, which made so much practical sense. Yet, something very strange happened. From somewhere deep within my consciousness a primitive voice cried out. Angry and feeling threatened. I was both shocked and embarrassed. Was I somehow triggered listening to this?
How then was I going to get through the next session from speaker and author Christopher Veal with its focus on vulnerability? I was worried, though I need not have been.
Throughout Christopher’s brilliant speech two things happened. First, I recognised that yes, like many others; there was this voice within me. Buried deep down, hidden away and ignored for many years. And second, through being that little bit more vulnerable with both myself and others I will be able to understand just where that voice came from and how to handle it. What Christopher talked about made so much sense.
As did the following discussion panel that looked at masculinity from different generational perspectives. The more I listened the more that voice was both soothed and reassured. I didn't need to feel threatened.
The final session came from James O'Brien, a presenter I recognised from both radio and TV. He shared his own deeply personal and powerful story. How experiences in his childhood shaped his views of masculinity. How they left him covered in armour, adrift from emotions and intolerant of criticism. Things that, conversely, seemed to help him throughout his career. Yet later in life left him in a pretty bad place. With help he was able to change. To integrate the old part of himself with the new to become a better person.
For me, the day closed with a great sense of hope. Hope that all men can stay relevant in so many ways. Ways that will benefit everyone. That it’s ok to listen to and challenge the old voices we may have. To open up and be vulnerable. Reassured in the knowledge that there are so many people and organisations out there to help - in this, no one needs to be alone.
Thank you to The Hobbs Consultancy for opening my eyes.
Tristan Hardman-Dodd is a writer, presenter and mental health advocate.
Thanks Tristan! We also want to say a huge thank you to our wonderful partners who enabled us to put this event together. It's been wonderful to work with them and we look forward to working with everyone again in 2023.
On that note, if you are interested in joining as a partner next year, please do get in touch. And there are more details about becoming a MIW 2023 partner here.
See you next year!
Team THC x